Listening

Listening is the gift the shepherd gives. Here is an example of the power of “just listening.”

Viktor Frankl, one of the great psychiatrists of the twentieth century, survived the death camps of Nazi Germany. His little book, Man’s Search for Meaning, is one of those life-changing books that everyone should read.

Frankl once told the story of a woman who called him in the middle of the night to calmly inform him she was about to commit suicide. Frankl kept her on the phone and talked her through her depression, giving her reason after reason to carry on living. Finally she promised she would not take her life, and she kept her word.

When they later met, Frankl asked which reason had persuaded her to live?

“None of them,” she told him.

What then influenced her to go on living, he pressed?

Her answer was simple, it was Frankl’s willingness to listen to her in the middle of the night. A world in which there was someone ready to listen to another’s pain seemed to her a world in which it was worthwhile to live.

Often, it is not the brilliant argument that makes the difference. Sometimes the small act of listening is the greatest gift we can give.

A Guide to Listening

Being a shepherd means following the story as an actual shepherd follows the sheep in their care.

The shepherd is silent and present. The shepherd actively listens.

The shepherd allows the story space to emerge. Without questions or comments. Simply space.

The shepherd allows silence as the story finds its way. Without coaching or urging. The story needs this silence so it knows it is safe.

When the story has emerged as far as it is able, the shepherd allows for even more silence. Stories, like flocks, sometimes come a little at a time. The shepherd allows for more of the story to catch up so it does not get lost.

The shepherd will feel the urge to cover a silence with words. The story can find its way through then, and the story can get lost.

The shepherd will feel the urge to interject their own story. This must wait until the story session is over. Then, after the session is over, the shepherd can ask a friend or another shepherd to shepherd their story.

The shepherd also will feel the urge to advise or fix the story being told. The shepherd takes a deep breath and remembers that the story holds the power that is needed. The shepherd knows the story is giving better medicine than anyone can offer. The shepherd trusts.

The shepherd believes the story.

The shepherd honors the story.

The shepherd beholds the story.